It was April. My taxes were done. Due to a slight hiccup (which cost me $360) I was mailing an amended tax return to New York State. If you remember, Liberty State Tax had me paying no Manhattan residency tax. New York said I needed to pay $860. Liberty managed to get it down to$ 360. It was all set, I went to the post office to mail my stuffed envelope and be done once and for all. Or so I thought! A few days later what arrived in my mail box?

What’s that? Additional postage necessary? But I mailed you at the fucking post office!!! That’s like saying…fuck another metaphor, this post office situation is the metaphor I’ll use for other crazy Catch 22 situations of incompetence.  So back at the USPS, they were dumbfounded. If you notice that number under the $0.85, the 00026176-10, the apparently the  -10 signifies an employee number. The people at the USPS were all like “who’s 10? “We don’t have a 10!” Great. So my letter was process by a maniac who likes to disguise himself as a postal worker and process people’s mail in his spare time! I paid the extra 45 cents (apparently because my letter was thicker than a 1/4 inch, it needed additional postage) and it was done. That is the end of my taxes.

–Jill…well I guess I don’t have a signature like Mack and Jack, but you get the idea. Sing fat lady. Roll credits. Go home….sigh…

Yea we’re not done. Flash forward to a month later when I get a letter from New York State.  I owe another $530. If I don’t pay in 10 days my records will be turned over to a collections agency etc… etc. I go back to Liberty State and they are dumbfounded. The woman looks over the documents and we just figure New York has rejected the amendments and wants the full amount. I cut a check, sign my name, and seal the envelope. You can’t fight city hall, right?

The instructions for paying the balance involves me calling for some reason. Doesn’t really make sense, but whatever. The Liberty Tax woman suggests it might be just to let them know the payment is coming. I walk out of the Liberty on my way to the blue mail box when I call the number. I punch my social into the phone when the automated system asks for it then replies with, “your tax balance is zero.” Huh…Zero???

I desperately try to get an operator on the phone, but the damn system keeps hanging up on me. I head back into the Liberty Tax and I tell the woman and we tag team between her cell phone, my cell phone, and the office’s phone trying different numbers. Finally we get a live person. He tells us that, yes, my balance is zero. They processed my check, sent out the notice for additional needed funds, and after that processed my amended tax return.  Fan-fucking-tastic!

“Wait, what would have happened had I sent in my check?”
“We would have cashed it and in about 60 days, you’d have gotten a refund check.”

Assholes. But at least I don’t owe that extra $530 dollars.

–I’m just about done with this stupid city.