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Monthly Archives: November 2011

The smallest things. — By Jack

Some small things:

The plane back from Dallas was delayed. It seems a light on a control panel had gone out. The flight crew at the attendants desk were quite up front about how insignificant the piece was. But that due to bureaucracy the plane would be held and hour.
We always make fun of Mark for showing up late for Jeng Chi (the best dumplings in America.) He showed up 20 minutes early to prove us wrong. Jake and I got there, didn’t see him, and sat another table for 20 minutes.
I got annoyed at a waiter at a nice restaurant because I could tell he put the position numbers in the computer wrong.
I used the word emasculate as a synonym for humiliate (hyperbolically) and my father harped on my for half the day.

My family interrupts me. I don’t know if this is a small thing. It feels big. It’s marginalizing. Already when I’m around my family I don’t have much to talk about. We don’t share any interests, talk politics, or much of anything else. So my family tends not to know how to approach me. Then end up asking me the same questions over and over again. So when I do have something to talk about, being cut off or sung off (yes my younger brother will start singing to interrupt me because he thinks it’s so funny) it’s pretty disheartening. Whenever I bring up that I don’t like it, I tend to get an eye roll, the brush off, then told that I’m too sensitive.

Faith. Is it a small thing? In my family it is. Do my parents support me? Absolutely. But do they have faith in me? They like to shower me with outdated and out of touch advice. “You’re trying to do a very hard thing.” No shit it’s hard. You think I’ve been sitting with my thumb up my ass waiting staring at the phone just expecting a TV writing job? I don’t need or want your advice about reading some news paper clipping involving a writer or that I should go back to grad school when most TV writers are my age or younger.

When I talk to people and they say they are close with their family, I tend to give them a cockeyed look. I just don’t get it. Really? Mark is really close with his family even though his parents are divorced. He just get’s close with the new parts of his family. They like to hear what he’s interested in. I imagine they don’t relentlessly interrupt him.

I got back to my apartment and I immediately went to the convenience store to get some club soda. There was a girl trying to buy a roll of toilet paper. She had 60 cents in change. It was a $1.29 and there was a $10 minimum to pay with credit card. I told the cashier to just put it with my stuff. Then I said some cheesy line like “It’s the holidays now. Guess it’s time we start doing stuff like this.”

She was shocked and insisted on paying me back. I insisted otherwise, then asked where her accent was from. France. I told her, “I’m sure French people do stuff like this all the time for American tourists.” The irony was lost on her. She apparently lives in my apartment. Actually a floor above me. I woke up this morning with a note at my door and a dollar in the envelope.

It really is all about the small things.

— Jack out.

1 Comment

Posted by eltram on November 29, 2011 in By Jack, Dating

Why you gotta hate? – by Jill & Mack

20 Nov

The restaurant was frickin’ pretty crazy last night (as is the case on Saturdays.) I got a nine top and as I approached the table two more tables got sat. So starting out I was already in the weeds. I start taking drink orders. One women asks me a million wine questions. She wants a Barolo but doesn’t want to pay 100 bucks for one. Well that’s how much they cost! Meanwhile this dude from across the table starts gesturing me emphatically about something. He tells me he has “spliffs” waiting for the table. What the fuck is a spliff? Were they smoking? Anyway, I go back to the bar the apparently the guy ordered 6 half bottles of fucking Champagne. Really? He couldn’t have ordered 2 conventional bottles or even a magnum? I gotta open 6 little bottles at the table?

I get that underway while and take the order of another table at the same time. I return to the 9 top and return to the woman who needs a Wine for Dummies to decide what she wants. Finally, I get her to make her choice (the cheap Barolo.) I go back to the bar, and one of the bussers comes up to me saying that table wants to order. “No shit they wanna order.” I get back with the bottles of wine in my hand and one of the women says, “We want to order, we’ve asked for you 3 times.”

“You see those six bottles of Champagne and these two bottles of wine. I had to get those. I had to back and forth to the front of the restaurant to get those. Plus your friend over there needed a Kettle One and soda right away. Now, I would be more than happy to put these down and take your order.” I’m not sure she knew how to react. The night was pretty much like that. Everyone had a birthday party, and everyone needed their check split multiple ways. That nine top split it seven ways to be exact.

And as the new girl I had to close which takes FOREVER. We got out around 1:30 am and one of our bartenders was having a birthday part next door. I walk in and instantly some douche bags at the table behind me yells, “Hey bitch, we’re trying to watch the game. MOVE.”

What a fuckin’ night?

-Jillbot

————————————————————————————————————————-

I get cut from work. I’m so glad I don’t have to close on Saturdays. I go across to Woody’s for Javier’s birthday drinks. Man, everybody’s there. That guy knows how to party. As I’m about to sit down, the chick from the table across from us says, “Hey, want a tequila shot?” What a way to start the night, right? Then she starts playing with my necklace. But she’s got a wedding ring, so I go chat with the rest of my group.

An hour or so later, the closers finally make it out of the restaurant. The new girl Jill, starts bitching about something. And I’m all like ,”Why you gotta hate?”
“Because that table is full of a bunch of dickwads!”
“That table over there?”
“Yea!”
“Na, they’re cool, gave me a shot when I walked in.”
“Well then why don’t you go sit with them?”

I get the details about them being assholes and I figure it’s just misunderstanding. I figure, I’ll go over to the table, chat with them, make a joke or two, tell them she was offended and then they’ll apologize.

I go over.
“Hey guys, thanks for that shot earlier–”
One guy: “Yea why don’t you buy us shots?”
I realize this wasn’t such a good idea. I make a few jokes that don’t go over too well. At that point, I probably should have just left.
“Look, my friend took offense and that wasn’t cool.”
One of the guys gets out of his chair and squares up to me.
“Yea well she needed to fuckin’ move.”
I don’t back down. His friends get out of their chairs. At this point I don’t realize how over my head I’m getting.

But what I also didn’t realize was that Javier and ALL his friends were squaring up behind me. And we probably outnumbered them 3 to 1. The owner comes over and breaks it up before it gets too hot. I sit back down but I can feel the eyes of all those guys glaring into my back. But Javier and all his crew congratulate me for sticking up for the new girl.

Meanwhile Jill is hella embarrassed. At first she’s mad at me for making a scene. Guess she doesn’t like attention. But we end up talking over a couple of drinks. Apparently she almost never drinks. Been doing something called Moderation Management. Also she’s looking for an apartment. I think I just figured out our roommate situation.

-Big Mack Attack

Shut the fuck up already! –by Jill

17 Nov

So I went on a date yesterday. Cute guy. And that part’s actually kinda significant because I don’t usually go on dates with cute guys. My rule is if you have courage to ask me out I’m probably going to say yes. I’m so glad I don’t have to go up and ask guys out. Don’t get me wrong, if I’m at a bar guys’ll buy me drinks. But dating is a different animal. The guys who usually ask me out are guy on the subway (creepy) and when ever I walk into a comic book shop.

I meet this guy at a coffee shop for our date. He shows up like 20 minutes late, but at least he texted me while I was waiting. It’s New York, trains suck. No big whoop. But when he sits down there’s this instant attraction. It’s a combination of his looks and body language and something else. Perhaps it was the small table that made out knees bump together almost ever five minutes. I’m thinking jack pot.

But then the date gets going. We talk about television. That’s pretty much it. He’s a fan of comedies because when he watches TV he dosen’t like to think. (minus points) He’s an actor. But he only wants to do commercials (more minus points.) No Tom Stoppard plays? No Eugene O’Neill? When I mentioned my love of A Long Days Journey into Night…

…he responded, “Oh wait that’s the name of the theatre Book of Mormon is playing at.” I think that was when I realized the date was going sour.

Now, I’ve never won any awards for brevity. Someone once even gave me the nick name “talky.” But this guy would not shut up. And his “words per minute” probably was on par with the Micro Machines guy. (Funny parody) And he insisted on telling me about TV shows I had never seen like he was going to convince me to run out on the date and watch them. Every time I tried to turn the conversation to something more substantive he veered it right back to television.

Part of me wants to give him another shot just because he was pretty damn hot. Maybe he was nervous? Maybe I think too much? Maybe he has a cavern of depth under this kiddy pool TV layer. It’s not like I have an army of men banging down my door for date. And the dinner’ll be free.

A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas Review –By Jack

10 Nov

Seasons Greetings all. We’re passed Halloween which in America means all the stores can pretend it’s Christmas for the next 2 months. Rockefeller Center has the tree, the ice rink is being put together, and the subways are plastered with ads for Christmas movies. Starting off the Christmas movie season early is A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas. Below is the red band trailer.

Harold and Kumar have always held a special place in my heart. When I first saw Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. I laughed. I laughed hard. When I go to movies, I don’t really laugh. I chuckle. I smile. I’ll like the jokes. But I don’t uproariously laugh. For H&K GT WK I did. And I wasn’t even high.

White Castle had a lot going for it. It was always willing to make a joke that perhaps we’d seen before then move the joke to the next level. Like when Kumar sees a giant bag of weed which has a fantasy about marrying. Sure, funny-ish joke. You see them dancing, getting their pictures taken, etc. But then the joke keeps going. Kumar is stressed doing work late into the night and the bag of weed, dressed in a bathrobe brings him coffee. Kumar spits the coffee out and yells at his wife and calls her a bitch. Cut to a scene of him apologizing. The idea that in Kumar’s love fantasy, it would go as far as the bad parts of marriage is just hilarious to me.

White Castle also had very clever racial humor that spoke to the prejudices of society. Often the jokes would go that extra step like the example above. The sequel Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay wasn’t nearly as clever. Daily Show alum Rob Corddry played a racist Homeland Security agent hunting the duo down. Most of the racial humor was from him and was flat and disappointing. Save one college flashback scene the movie never live up to its predecessor.

So where does that leave Harold and Kumar’s third outing? To cut to the chase. Better than the 2nd film. Not as good as the first. The set up is a bit more interesting than Guantanamo Bay. From the first movie to the second, there is no time jump. The movie literally picks up where the first one left off.

Between the second movie and this one, it’s been 4 years. Harold and Kumar have grown up (or at least Harold has) and the duo has had a falling out. The catching up with the characters is interesting and a lot of fun. Harold is a wall street banker and has married Maria. They have a house in the suburbs and Harold is trying to impress her father (played by Danny Trejo of Machette.)

Harold's gotta impress this guy.

Kumar’s life has collapsed and his girl friend Vanessa has dumped him. A mysterious package addressed to Harold shows up on Kumar’s doorstep, bringing the two back together. When Kumar accidentally burns down Maria’s father’s personally grown Christmas tree, the new adventure ensues.

What works?

The clever humor is back. There is a hilarious scene with two black guys who switch off being the “crazy black guy.” Also the “getting older” humor works two. H & K find themselves surrounded by teenagers at a house party. A beer pong challenge and a hilarious Karate Kid joke really has fun with the generational shift.
Neil Patrick Harris is a show stealer. Since the 2nd film NPH has come out of the closet. The movie does a hilarious job of rectifying the homosexuality so it works perfectly with the character.
I honestly felt satisfied with the development of the characters and friendship. I’m actually glad they did some sort of emotional journey between the two of them.

What doesn’t work? Plenty.

My biggest complaint is that the film itself doesn’t feel as epic as the other two. The first two movies feel like exhausting journeys. Almost Odysseys. This film feels very truncated. It may be because there is so much set up with the 4 year time jump. Also, Kumar’s conflict with Vanessa seems abrupt as well.
The side kicks. Both Harold and Kumar have new best friends. Harold has Todd (played by Thomas Lennon) a straight edged, boring, suburban dad who brings his daughter along on the adventure. His humor comes from his daughter continually but accidentally getting high from random narcotics. Meanwhile, Kumar has Adrian (played by Collegehumor.com‘s Amir Blumenfeld.) As hilarious as I find Amir on collegehumor, he just didn’t work in this film. Neither of them do. The movie pretty much shoves them in a closet for half the film, which is pretty boring.
Wafflebot. Halfway through the film they introduce a waffle making robot/toy which Kumar finds endearing. But the design, execution, and integration of the walking trashcan is tiresome. It’s supposed to be love able, but instead it weigh moments down. Imagine C3p0. Now make him move about about a 1/4 the speed. Replace that charming “beep-boop” sounds with a digitized whinny Jewish grandmother, and you have Wafflebot.
The 3D. The movie itself makes fun of the fact that no one cares about 3D. So why make this movie only available in 3D driving up the price of admission to $17? There are some fun action sequences, but this movie didn’t need it. It’s about the dialogue and the jokes. There was one fun claymation scene (brought on by an acid trip) but the 3D added nothing to it. The hard core fans will pay the 17 bucks, but that’s about it. Way to kill your box office?

Ultimately, I do recommend the film. Kal Penn and John Cho always work well together and it’s a shame they rarely get as much screen time as they do in these films. If you’ve got the money to spend go for it. But if you need to wait for Netflix/Redbox, so be it. The cinematic 3D does add to the experience, just not the extra $7 worth.

Rating?

–Jack out.

1 Comment

Posted by eltram on November 10, 2011 in By Jack, Reviews, entertainment, etc...

Tags: Harold and Kumar, Movie reviews

It’s not Batman! — by Mack

07 Nov

This past weekend I was an extra in a film with the working title of Magnus Rex. But everyone knew what movie it really was. Christian Bale was 2 feet away from me. That dude has seriously perfect hair. It’s like a helmet. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was there grimacing like Clint Eastwood. I went up and shook his hand. I was like, “I’m Mack” and he was like “I’m Joe.” I wanted to scream “No fucking shit. You’re Joseph Gordon-Levitt!” But he went back to eating his bagel.

But then there was the Nolan. Tall, blonde, and black wool coated. Christopher Nolan, the director of Memento, The Dark Knight, The Prestige, Inception. And now The Da–*achem* Magnus Rex. I can’t believe I was in his presence.

Originally, I was going to be a thug in a massive brawl scene. But due to unforeseen circumstance (Wall Street protesters) that shoot was cancelled. However, at the last minute I was called to shoot this scene as a Gothamite –er uhh…Magus Rex-ite. So that was awesome.

Otherwise, there is this new chick at the restaurant. She’s totally into me. I trained her the other night. When I was guiding her around my hand, she was totally responding. That’s called compliance and it’s a definite indicator of interest.

Which is really good. Because that one girl from the train stopped responding to my texts. Why give a guy out your number if you’re not going to talk to him??? I got pretty drunk last night and almost drunk texted Kelly. That woulda been bad. Ever since the break up I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster.

See it while you can.

Saw A Very Harold and Kumar 3-D Christmas with Jack the other day too. You should definitely check it out.

–Big Mack Attack!

Snow in your face, money in your pocket, a place to call home. And monsters! — By Jill

03 Nov

It’s been a while. Sorry for the hold up. But lots has happened.

1) I got a job. It’s this little Italian place around the Meat Packing district. Seems pretty chill. The staff is a different cut than my old Seattle Starbucks family. Katie, Sasinya, and Tall Tony, no one will ever replace you! Getting out of there kinda sucks though. We all have to leave together after all the customers leave. So I can be there pretty late. There’s this one guy who’s kinda sleazy. While he was training me he kept hitting on me the whole time. I’m not too worried, I’ve dealt with worse. But whenever he wants me to move he tries to “guide” me with his hand rather than just asking me to move.

2) It snowed. In OCTOBER!!! And not just a few flakes. There were mounds of snow on the sidewalks, slush in the streets, and white blanketed cars. It was cool because it was the first weekend I had where I wasn’t looking for a job and could actually enjoy the city. I bought a jacket on sale to bundle up. 🙂

3) HALLOWEEN. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go out and have Halloween fun. I had to train at the restaurant. But on the way home I got a good taste of the craziness. New York doesn’t take this holiday lightly. No matter that it was still 30 degrees, girls were waiting in line outside clubs wearing almost nothing, kids were trick-or-treating well passed midnight, and the subway…oh the subway. Never have I felt such a sense of community on a mass transit system before. One Thriller inspired Michael Jackson did a dance up and down the rail car. A little girl was scared of a man in a giant red mouse head and the two 20 something girls stopped at nothing with the mom until the girl was smiling again. I really wish I had gotten a costume.

4) Finally, I can start looking for an apartment and get out of New Rochelle. It sucks when you meet the tenants and they ask what you do. There was one place where we clicked so well but the minute I told them I was unemployed they said “Thank you, but you’re not what we’re looking for.” So frustrating.

Kick ass Pandora station.
Give it a listen.

–PEACE

2 Comments

Posted by eltram on November 3, 2011 in By Jill

Tags: Halloween, new york, work

Mack Jack and Jill