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He’s gone because of me — By Jack

23 Oct

I don’t look nearly that good.

I shaved my head today. I got about a third way through when my razor ran out of juice. There I was, partially bald, unable to leave my apartment for fear of ridicule. As I waited for razor to recharge, I contemplated my drastic action.

This isn’t me. I don’t do things like this. I don’t have any tattoos. I’ve never ridden a motorcycle. I’m buttoned down, business casual style with just a splash of dorky flair (a vest or ironic t-shirt.)

Maybe it’s that I turned 30 today. New city + no friends + no job – life accomplishments = instability? I knew that the move to Los Angeles would be hard. I didn’t expect to get here and on day one someone would hand me a writing job. But I thought I’d find something. It’s been 2 months and other than the one day of production work, I’ve had nothing to supplement my dwindling savings.

And I have tried. Hard. I’ve responded to virtually every Craigslist post. Mandy.com, ineed.com, mediamatch, entertainmentjobs. I’ve cold called the studio of every TV show and movie in development, preproduction, and in production to get the phone number of their production office. “We’re currently staffed, but you’re welcome to forward a resume to our email.” I’ve even applied to internships and some slightly sketch “music videos.” Nothing.

How low will I go?

Hell even Starbucks and the Gap aren’t responding. I went to Gap Inc.’s online application site. After filling out the usual resume crap, I had to do a second application which was a fucked up personality test.

6. Do you feel you’ve accomplished everything you’ve wanted up until this point in your life?
Strongly Agree — Some what Agree — Neutral — Some what Disagree — Strongly  Disagree

27. Do you ever get angry or frustrated at work?
Strongly Agree — Some what Agree — Neutral — Some what Disagree — Strongly  Disagree

97. Do you find it hard to maintain a cheerful and inspirational attitude in stressful
situations?
Strongly Agree — Some what Agree — Neutral — Some what Disagree — Strongly  Disagree

Yes, that was question 97. There were over a hundred of these types of questions. I’m going to be folding clothes not leading innocent children into a war scenario! Sure I get frustrated sometimes. No I haven’t accomplished everything so far. What the fuck do you want from me? An honest employee who is in touch with his feelings or someone who knows to give you the answers you want to hear? I did the latter.

And to top it all off, there was the inescapable realization that my hairline is receding. I used to keep my hear relatively long. Not Fabio long, but Josh Holloway (Sawyer from Lost) long. But I just don’t have the thick head of hair to support it. So I did the one thing I felt I could still control. I took my electric razor and went to town. Or rather a third of the town.

Eventually the apartment contemplation got to me and I dug out my only hat. Unfortunately it’s a beat up cowboy hat for my Gunslinger Halloween costume. But I had to get out. As I went on my walk and continued to contemplate I came across the cutest mouse on the sidewalk. I’m not one for cute critters, (that’s more Jill) but seriously this thing was adorable. I had to get a picture on my phone. But of course as I approached, the little guy scurried away…into the nearest intersection. The little guy got to the second lane before he met his end.

I just wanted a picture.

I walked into the nearest coffee shop and got a newspaper and got him out of the street.

Fuck. What a shitty birthday.

–Jack Out

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Posted by on October 23, 2012 in By Jack

 

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