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A different head space. — By Jill

21 Jan

Occasionally in my world, everything slows down and I reach a clear head space.  I don’t say fuck. I don’t exclaim. And I don’t get angry. Yesterday was one of those times.

I pulled the earphone out from my iPod then from my ears. That way I wouldn’t have to lift up the cover to turn it off. Then I looked around the Dean & Deluca. I looked at all the people who were sitting alone like me and I wondered what they had become. Reflecting what I had become and what I would become.
A stead stream of New Yorkers flowed past window into the 42nd street Metro stop and Port Authority Bus Terminal. What did this lonliness mean? What was its opposite that I desperately prayed for? Was it a beautiful man to wrap his arms around me in bed, holding me there tightly, almost inescapably so?  Would this opposite be a job where people would have to search me out specifically for something very important and rare that only I could do? Perhaps a service that people would pay mountains of money for and my Blackberry would beep incessantly about. Is this escape from solitude an intimate forum where I can finally bare my burdens and secrets and not be a monster? Where I would find others with similar secrets were people I could respect and admire?  I don’t know. I really don’t and I don’t know how to solve these aching pains of loneliness.

And so when you can’t solve a problem you have to learn to deal with it. The head phones that I had pulled out of my ears may have suggested an answer. Shalom Auslander has been performing a story on The Moth podcast. It was a touching story about visiting the remnants of a concentration camp and also about a grandmother going through Alzheimer’s. And his conclusion was that laughter shall set you free.

He gives this excellent denouement about how laughter, dark laughter in particular is a victory. That Hitler probably never wanted anyone laughing as they walk through his death camps (as the author found himself doing) and that Alzheimer’s, if it were a person or a thing, probably wouldnt want anyone laughing at it. And so this maxim resonated with me for a few moments and seemed like this behavior may just be the answer.

Now I am old enough to know that epiphanic solutions to life long problems disappear almost as quickly as they are gifted. In my teenage and college years I desperately subscribed to solutions such as meditation,  The Secret (yea I was one of those) and “don’t think too much.” In college, I seemed to have a life altering epiphanies every other week. So despite this new “laughter” solution feeling incredibly germane, I knew it would likely evaporate. But at least right now, in my head space, I can reflect on all the changes in the last year year of my life and I can look at my current situation (far less comfortable to where I was a year ago) and I can grin. (Not laugh, not yet.)

—Jill
The moth cast. It’s the second one down. Shalom Auslander.
 
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Posted by on January 21, 2012 in By Jill

 

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Jumping on the SOPA bandwagon –by Jack

18 Jan

I’ve been keeping to myself lately, holed up in my room strictly working on 30 Rock and Raising Hope spec scripts. And I’ve not been paying attention to anything else. But now the internet seems up and arms about SOPA/PIPA. No one seemed to care when Obama took away due process. And I stopped trying to affect politics back when The Supreme Court put the final nail in our election process by giving corporations the right to make unlimited expenditures with the Citizens United ruling.

But now that youtube and wikipedia are threatened, that’s when our generation rises up. Okay, cynacism aside now that I’ve started looking into it (and by looking into I saw a really funny video) I’ve decided to at least write my congressmen/women.

I don’t feel I have much else to add to the debate, so I’ll keep this post short. As apathetic as I am about most goings on of the outside world, I do think it would be a shame if the internet, which currently is a tool of both corporate enterprise and a tool for a citizen’s expressive freedom, lost the latter. It may be inevitable that internet will eventually become more controlled and even purely corporate owned and commercially run. But for now it is a tool to say anything you want (no matter how inane, uninformed, and offensive it maybe.) PIPA and SOPA are the first steps to take away this freedom. The legislation is shrouded behind copyright infringement protection, but the powers granted are too strong, poorly defined, and with too limited over site.  If you don’t care about this what do you care about?

–Jack Out

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2012 in By Jack

 

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Getting back to the gym — by Mack

14 Jan

I used to be a gym nut. Well not super crazy. I never did Cross Fit or P90X but I did have a personal trainer for a while so I learned some good ins and outs. I used to go 3-4 times a week. Lately, it’s been once a week. (Or less.) Now it’s time to get back on track.

My routine is as follows;

Cardio

  • I usually switch between running, stairs, elliptical, row machine, and bike
  • 20-25 minutes (more than 40 minutes is wasted)
  • Music — Eminem, Happy Hardcore techno, or Coheed and Cambria
    -something about those 3 that puts me into a different head space
  • Away from a mirror. Cause I will just look at myself the whole damn time
  • Occasionally I’ll run in Central Park, but I really need the number of a treadmill to keep a pace

Muscle work

  • Targets: Chest, Shoulders, Upper Back, Triceps, and Legs (usually one Target per day)
  • Things I never get to: Biceps, Lower Back (I really should hit that one,) Forearms
  • Warm up set. (I fucked up my shoulders because I never used to warm up) Just do 10 reps really light weight of the exercise. Get that blood flowing to that part of the body.
  • Muscle confusion*: Switch grips, switch weights, switch sets, (more on this with the asterisk)
  •  Target muscle group gets three exercises. I.e. for Chest – Bench, decline bench, butterfly curls.
  • Try to add a small exercise between sets. (Push ups between bench press sets.)

Abs

  • I really try to switch this up. (see muscle confusion)
  • I usually pick three ab work outs and do them three times each.
  • Sit ups, crunches, bicycle crunches, leg lifts, alternating leg lifts, pull up crunches…and a whole bunch of exercises I don’t know the name for.

Diet

  • Though I don’t do the paleo diet, I try to keep to some of the ideas of it.
  • High protein, low carbs, vegetable etc.
  • I try not to eat after 8pm. You’re body doesn’t need food that late, it’s not going to use it.
  • Conversely, if I’m going to eat crap, do it in the morning when I body will use it.

*Muscle confusion. Essentially, your body learns how to do what it does efficiently. So when you start exercising, your body doesn’t know what’s going on and has to work hard to accomplish the task.  Once it’s done that task enough times it figures how to most easily accomplish it.

So when I first started working in restaurants, running around, on my feet the whole 6-8 hours, I lost weight. Then after about a month, the weight came back. My body learned how to do all those tasks efficiently.

When working out,  if you make little changes, it switches up the body. Kinda throws it for a loop. Some of my favorite ways to switch it up are below;

Decreasing weight. Start doing you exercise (probably on a machine) at the highest weight you’re comfortable. Maybe do 6-8 reps (that exhaust you.) When you can barely get out that last rep, drop the weight down 10-20 pounds. Then do 5-8 more reps (till you’re struggling again.) Then drop it down 10-20 more pounds and continue till you’re practically only reping 10 pounds. (Or you’re super tired.)

Increase weight.  Same thing but in reverse. Start relatively low (not at 5-10 pounds) but something you could probably to 12-15 reps of. Then steadily increase the weight.

Switch grips. Do free weight bench with your hands parallel with your body. Or rotate as you come up. Slight changes like that work slightly different muscle groups.

Use that Bouncy Ball. You know those big rubber balls no one uses? You can use those for almost all exercises, especially upper body. Take free weight bench with dumbbells. Sit on the ball and walk your feet out so your parallel to the ground. The ball should sit just at or above your shoulder blades. Keep your knees together and use pretty light weight. Now your body has to balance and do the exercise. It will force you into perfect form.

Now you know the ins and outs of all my secrets. Use them for good and not for evil.

—Big Mack Attack

 
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Posted by on January 14, 2012 in By Mack

 

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Over it. –By Mack.

05 Jan

Jack is in his own world. Shutting himself off from the rest of the world as he gets over that girl and writes his next script. Jill is off having adventures in a winter wonder land that would only impress a tourist.  As I prepare for a season of cutting winds and black snow I’m planning to hunker down with the complete series of The Wire I got cheap from Amazon. But I can’t escape this feeling that something is missing.  I don’t have the drive I used to have.

At what age do we lose that? I suppose it’s different for each person. And maybe some of us never lose it. But not all of us are meant for big success. What’s more pathetic?  The guy is still trying to make it as an actor at 45 or the guy who, though disillusioned, understands his place. I’m not trying to be morbid or depressing or nothin’.  But sooner or later you gotta face facts.

I almost have to admire Jack’s hermit like nature.  He works till he’s done. Only time he comes out is for coffee. Don’t even see him go to the restroom. He must be hiding diapers or something.  And with Jill, she may be annoyingly NYC green, but there’s this excitement in her. She goes to museums and plays and street fairs.  I used to be much more like both of them. What changed?

I’m almost ready to resign. Settle down with some girl. Raise a kid and push him so hard to go after his dream while he can. Cause that shit dries up. I’d totally be the dad who beats the crap out of the other kid’s dad at a t-ball game.

–Big Mack Attack.

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2012 in By Mack

 

Restaurant Etiquette — By Jill

03 Jan

If you’ve never worked as a server, there’s probably a good chance you might be doing things that piss the wait staff off. His is a general list of faux pas;

I”ll get the big one out of they way. We’re hoping for 20% and that includes alcohol. Why wouldn’t it? I got you the bottle, the glasses, kept your glasses full while you drank it. 15% is still acceptable but unless I fucked up on your table, c’mon don’t be stingy. What you may not realize is that I actually have to tip out the support staff from my tips. That means the bussers, runners, bartenders, coffee person, host, and wine sommelier are getting a chunk of my tips. One place I worked based that number on my sales. So if your check was 100 bucks, regardless of what you tipped me 5-7 bucks was getting tipped out. So $20 yea! $10, crap, I’m only walking with 3-5 bucks. Don’t give me the “verbal tip” by telling me I was the best server you’ve ever had then leaving me 12% and don’t tell me I was so good I deserve a raise, that’s what the tips for. Also, tell the manager, not me. I know I’m good. The managers don’t always. You might get me in a better section tomorrow night or out of the dog house if one of the managers don’t like me.  Generally, tips don’t get to me. I usually get good tips and if I do get a shitty tip, it balances with really good one. So let’s move on to…

“One Timing.” One timing is the process of sending me to get your table something on multiple trips almost immediately. Remember I have 3-6 other tables I’m waiting on. I have a laundry list of things I need to get done with dozens of obstacles in the way. Multi-tasking and consolidating my steps is essential to my success. So when I bring you your refill of diet coke, then you ask me for some more dressing, I go and get it. Then your friend decided she wants extra dressing too, I go and get it. Now your boy friend wants a cup of ice to put in his Cab (I don’t know why, but someone did ask me for that this week,) you’ve just sent me one 4 trips when I could have done it in one, and now I am behind with all my tables. Oh and adding when you get a chance! doesn’t help. It doesn’t let me know “you’re on my side and that you understand.” If I got you the extra parmesan “when I had the chance” your salad would be done, you’d have finished that 1/2 portion of chicken you’re sharing with your girlfriend, and you’d be drinking your skim milk cappuccino. And for fuck’s sake don’t ask me to take your picture! It’s one thing if you see me calmly walking around or chatting with my other servers. No problem. But if you see me clearing tables or with a tray full of drinks or perhaps you notice that all the tables around you are getting sat with customers at the exact same moment, this is not the time for you to ask me to drop everything and shove a digital camera in my face. Then don’t give me 2 or 3 other fucking cameras. We live in the digital age. Email it while I get that cappuccino “when I have the chance.” Lastly, don’t tell me “it’s the button on the right.” I know how to work a fucking camera.

Cash and split the rest on the cards. You got the bill, you give me some cash and two credit cards. You want me to keep the cash and put the remaining amount on the cards. This in and of itself isn’t a problem. Here’s what is: $200 check. You’ve given me $100 bucks cash and two credit cards. I give you back to credit cards with $50 bucks on each one. You then leave $10  for each card. You and your buddies just left me a 10 percent tip. No customer ever seems to get this concept. Just because you left me cash for half the bill doesn’t make the tip go away. Or rather, I guess it does.  The only thing you could do to piss me off more is take both copies of the receipt. When you do that we get nothing. And in the case of the restaurant where we tip out based on sales, I just lost money taking your table. Thanks!

Here’s the next one. It’s 11:55 pm. You’re hungry and for some damn reason you don’t go to a bar that’s open till 4 am. No, let’s go to this restaurant that is almost completely empty and closes in 5 minutes! Now because of your hungry drunk ass; a server (or all closing servers,) 2-3 bussers, at least one cook, a bartender, a dessert guy, and a manager wait for you to get your appetizer, entree, dessert, coffee while you admire how beautiful a night it is!

Two women sat in my section last night for 5 hours. They were my first table and my last one. Here’s something to be aware of, by sitting at a table for a prolonged period of time, you’re stopping me from getting another table. So if you order another drink or two, that’s nice, but in your place, I could get a 4 top that is ordering appetizers and entrees and possibly a bottle of wine. For the most part I don’t really care that much. For some servers, money is their primary goal. Sell you the most expensive items, get you out, get the next table. For me, I genuinely do care about your experience. I want you to leave happy. So if you’re sitting there talking to your buddy, I can focus on my other tables and give them that experience.

However, I want to get the fuck out of there. Servers don’t have a time we get off. Based on how busy the restaurant is, a manager will look around the restaurant and decide if they need all the servers currently staffed. Once they feel business has died down, they will “make cuts.” Certain servers will be told they are “cut,” meaning that any new tables sat in their section will go to other servers and they just need to wait till their current customers have paid out. Let me say that again, I stay until you have paid your check. So if you find yourself in a restaurant, it’s pretty late, and you maybe notice that your server is not talking to any surrounding tables and every 10 minutes or so is asking if you need anything (or perhaps glaring at your from down the hall) there’s a good chance you are keeping them from going home. You don’t need to leave, you can keep chatting away with your friend, just ask for the check, pay, and sign the damn thing.  Those two ladies I mentioned earlier, they sat with their check for 30+ minutes. When I came to take the payment, their reply was “hahaha, we haven’t even looked at it.” They came in, ordered their drinks at 6:05 pm, I gave them their check at 10:47 pm. Even after I ran the card they took 10 minutes to sign.  I finished my paper work, changed and they were still sitting there as I left. Oh and for 5 hours + at my table they only left me 15%.

—Doesn’t believe how oblivious some people are.

 
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Posted by on January 3, 2012 in By Jill, Restaurants

 

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Tony Understands part 1- By Jack

29 Dec

Tony understood.

He understood trudging through the snow.  He understood that his hat had blown away and that it was not the will of God. Tony did not understand a great many things. This world did not make any sense. But there was one thing he did understand and that was all that was important.  He pressed his folded arms deeper into his chest and trudged forward.

He cursed himself at the poor decision to dress so sparsely. He cursed that he had taken the lighter path. He thought it would be faster and easier. He should have known better. And that’s what stung so much harder than the needles of ices to his face.  But there in lied thesecret. It would never be better than this.

He arrived at the tree stump. The axe was untouched, like Arthur’s birthright. But this would award him no power. It was a chore. He began to chop the frozen wet wood. This world made no sense. He had to perform this task today at this time. No reason was given. Only the instruction.  Halfway though he gave the biggest cough of his life. The snow painted red. He pulled off his glove to wipe his mouth. As a kid, Tony used to appreciate the metal taste. But in this volume he’d kill for a Lifesaver Wint-O-green. He felt the need to relieve himself and wondered if the urine would mix with the blood to yield an orange mixture. It didn’t. It only bubbled and remained red.

After chopping what he prayed (to no one) was the last log Tony he stared down. In a moment he would look to his left. There would either be fresh logs to chop or there wouldn’t be.  Log of fresh wood piled themselves up out of nowhere. He would chop them. Then he would see a fresh pile. He would chop those. Some days there was just one pile. Some piles would refresh themselves for days.  But now looking at the snow, imagining dancing snow flakes or red designs that might shape if he coughed again,  he embraced the musings his mind, free to storm during this time out. These intermittent breaks seemed like all his life had become. Or maybe this was the only time he had to reflect.  Just ten more seconds and he would look. He hummed a song from his childhood. It must have a theme song. “Gummy Bears, dancing here and there and every where..” He couldn’t remember the next line. He sighed and look over.

A fresh pile awaited him. He lounged in denial.  How perfectly his imagination detailed the fresh wood. It seemed bigger than before. He went back to work for 2 more piles.

He collected the chopped wood into his back pack and sliced the axe in to the stump for the next lost soul. His backpack had infinite capacity.  The weight of the logs did not diminish like their volume. This world made no sense. He would to take the bus home.

Upon arriving he looked to the left and to the right. Yellow lights to the left were oncoming blessings. Red lights to the right were insult to injury. He saw neither. An old woman sat on the bench. She understood too. The bus would come soon enough. Tony and the old woman would get on the bus. They would journey silently. But not known to Tony or the old woman would be another passenger on the bus. This passenger would be young and frustrated. Erratic. He would not understand. And this would create a problem. Worse than the logs, worse than the snow, worse than the blood, the problem of the young man who did not understand would be the worst part of Tony’s day.  And at the end of it all Tony might end up heartbroken, except for the one fact…he understood. Could he make this young passenger understand? Or would he have to die?

To be continued…

 
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Posted by on December 29, 2011 in By Jack

 

But you move on. –by Mack Jack and Jill

21 Dec

Jack’s not doing so well.  He met this girl a few weeks ago. She was pretty hot actually. Some French girl. I was pretty surprised. Happy for the guy. But I knew it wasn’t going to work. 

 So this bitch used Jack to get back at her ex-boyfriend. 

Jill really didn’t like her.

It’s so nice to have someone to cuddle with while you watch Spirited Away. I was practically cradling her.

She was like 19. Why do older guys always go for infants?

I told Jack to keep a distance.  Have fun with her. Stay in charge.  But you can’t tell a thirsty guy to stop at a shot of water. 

I couldn’t believe she came so far to see me the first time we met up. She trained through half of Manhattan in rush hour to get coffee with me for like 15 minutes.

She just wanted a place to sleep outside of her dorm where she could smoke.  

He waited for those text messages like they were orgasms. 

She couldn’t for the life of her tell the difference between your and you’re. And God did she used “lol” so much.

I mean I get the need to have a little fun. But I think Jack falls into things. 

 Jack’s always going to take it to heart. Everything’s gonna be personal to him. He just can’t take it for what their worth. 

I knew exactly what Christmas gift to get her.

I’m always watching out for that turning point.

There’s that moment when you know you’re just wasting your time. 

When you can tell they aren’t attracted to you anymore…the text messages stop coming so fast…they’re not so excited when you plan to meet up. When you know you’re no longer the priority…

That’s when I end it. It’s better to be the dumper then the dumpie. It’s all a game. If you’re not having fun, stop playing. 

I had this friend from Paris. She said there isn’t even a word for dating in French.   

It felt so good to make her laugh. She used to be so pissed when she came to see me. The train was late, her phone wasn’t working, her ex said something mean to her. But in ten minutes I had her smiling.

It’s not real. There’s no substance there. 

That’s the beauty of these little short romances. You can be whoever and you can make your partner feel as good as they need. They’re like little escapes from reality.  

She was a brat. She threw tantrums. And the way he’d sit outside with her every time she smoked. It was like he was her puppy dog. 

She visited him when he was sick. It was too sweet of her. That’s when I knew Jack wasn’t keeping her at a distance. 

She would scratch my shoulder. With her nails. Lightly. It tickled. And I like the way she smelled. I did laundry yesterday. When I got to the shirt she slept in, I considered not washing it. I smelled it again. I think the laundromat is the one place you can smell clothes and not look like a weirdo.

But you just gotta dust yourself off. Get back out there. This wasn’t some long term relationship. Turn around time should be an hour and a half. Tops.

Jack’ll wallow. He’ll blame everything on himself. “What did I do wrong?” “Why wasn’t I good enough?” He’s sensitive. He’s not built for flings. You can tell that after five minutes of talking to the guy. I mean he still does the chivalry stuff. 

You never know how to look at yourself. You wonder about your accomplishments. Did you win them because you are bad ass or because no one else showed up? Maybe the judge was pissed at the other guy for some stupid reason. Are our miracle successes indicative of our progress or mere blips of chance?

It’s not about them. It’s about you. It’s your ride. If they wanna come along, great. If not, fuck’em. Then kick them to the curb. 

“You can’t hurry love. No you just have to wait. “

I’m just so tired of starting over.

–Happy Winter Solstice. 

-Big Mack Attack

-Jack Out

 
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Posted by on December 21, 2011 in By Jack, By Jill, By Mack, Dating

 

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This blog post will self destruct in 4…3…2…(A review of Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol) –By Mack

18 Dec

Wow what a week. Jack and Jill have been non stop crapping their guts out as they both are suffering from the flu. I’ve been taking care of them. What? I can be maternal.  Anyway, I finally got out of the apartment for non work related crap (since Jill’s calling out, I had to cover her shifts) and I saw a movie last night. Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol.

Yes Ethan Hunt is back in another spy action thriller. Is it a run of the mill sequel or does it do the impossible? (i.e. bring something new to the action table.) In short, the answer is the latter. Ghost Protocol is directed by Brad Bird, director of The Iron Giant, The Incredibles, Ratatouille, and episodes of The Simpsons. Not your run of the mill action director. Though, The Incredibles certainly had good action sequences. Mr. Bird manages to bring his sense of humor to the movie and it really makes the film enjoyable.

Jackie Chan is credited as saying about his choreography (and I’m paraphrasing) “You need to have hit, hit, joke. Hit, hit, joke.” And Ghost Protocol captures this philosophy. Too many times have I gone to action movies felt very blah during the fight scenes. Sure the guy just took down twelve henchmen. But there was nothing to savor. In Transformers, you can’t even tell what’s happening during the action sequences. So I am elated to report that by and large, Ghost Protocol get’s it right. You feel the hits, the fights are fun to watch, and there is a sense of danger and stakes in all the action. This is what an action movie needs to accomplish.

Another bit of fun is some of their gadgets. We all been watching Bond films for decades. We’ve all seen the exploding pen and the BMW with missile capabilities. Without giving anything away, there are some interesting and humorous sequences driven by the IMF tech. Definitely, some things that made me think, “that’s pretty clever.”

Now, if you’ve seen any trailers or poster at all, you’ve probably seen Tom Cruise climbing Burj Dubai building. The producers and marketing are apparently very proud of it. And they should be, because this whole section of the movie is its crowning achievement. If you are looking for a reason to see this movie on IMAX (other than the BATMAN prologue) this is the reason.

The supporting cast is solid. There’s enough characterization for Jeremy Renner and Paula Patton’s characters that you care about them. And Simon Pegg is who he always is. Granted he’s been funnier in other things, but he works. Even LOST alumn Josh Holloway makes an appearance.

My minor complaints are (1) the plot is what it is. Not as complex as the first Mission: Impossible or a Nolan film. About on par with an average Bond film. No big plot twists or double crosses. Does this make the movie bad? No. Does it stop it from being memorable? Yes.  And (2) the aforementioned Dubai scene is the film’s peak. After that there’s nothing as cool. So the ending is a bit of a let down. Nothing silly or stupid or feels like a cop out.  Just nowhere near as cool.

The movie does what it does well. It’s fun, fast, funny, and a perfect summer action blockbuster…in December!

– Big Mack Attack

 
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Posted by on December 18, 2011 in By Mack, Reviews, entertainment, etc...

 

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The non-update — By …uhhh NO ONE

12 Dec

Been a while since there’s been an update. Sorry about that. I’ve been cripplingly ill for the last few days. I’m sure you’ll hear about it soon enough via one of the characters. Probably Jill.

Jill: Wait what???

Nothing. Anyway. This week I have to focus on a play I have to get done by mid week. So there likely won’t be an update till later.  SO…in the meantime enjoy some stuff that got me through the worst of it.

The promise of an awesome movie.

Our country losing the freedoms it was founded upon.

Sigh. Why won’t it embed like it used to?

 

The Gunslinger. Both the novel and the graphic novel.

 

And one more Batman thing.

So funny Collegehumor.

 

Anyway. I’m glad I don’t feel like this anymore.

Ugh. Links to videos seem so unprofessional. WTF?

 

–Ben

 
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Posted by on December 12, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Wonderful World of Texting — By Mack

07 Dec

There’s no doubt that texting has become a dominant form of communication. It’s addicting. Especially when it comes to dating. Now some girls say they don’t respond to text messages with the Cosmo inspired line, “If a guy wants to talk to me, he can call me.”  And to that I say, don’t fall while you’re ridding around on your high horse.

Text messages are today’s love notes. They’re nuggets of spontaneity and excitement.  A phone conversation has all sorts of risk involved. First you’ve got to get her to answer. In college, before I had magical texts I had the 3 call rule. First call, no answer, message. Second call, no answer, message. Third call, done. She just wasn’t into me? Maybe.

Let’s jump into the head of a girl real quick,

Wow it’s really empty in here! HAHA Just kidding. But I do have an overwhelming desire for Pinkberry. Hey! My phone’s ringing. I don’t recognize that number. Telemarketer? Maybe it’s that creepy guy from the subway. Why did I give him my number? Maybe it’s that cute guy from the Starbucks? 

Do I want to talk to him now? I’ve got work to do/by Stacy is over and we about to open this bottle of wine/Dancing With Stars is on, fuck him. (Then I hit decline.)

Jill: I object to that misogynistic characterization of my gender!
Jill, get out of my blog post.
Jill: You’re being mega creepy!!!
Don’t you have some anime farm animals to draw or something?

Sorry about that. Now what do you suppose the chances of her calling back are? Guys, when has a girl ever called you back that early into a relationship? Girls, seriously. You’re just not going to do it. I don’t expect you to. Then when the guy calls again is he going to be mad you didn’t call back?  You don’t know. It’s just not the best situation. Now let’s jump back in to that sexy brain again.

Wow Stacy, I’m so glad we went out for 16 Handles instead of Pinkberry. Curse them for getting rid of peanut butter.

Jill: Women aren’t vapid!
Jill, out!

(PING sound.) I’ll look at that text later. Stacy’s more interesting. (Stacy goes outside for a smoke.) Let’s look at that message. Haha. Snookie is crazy and stupid. What a funny guy. 

And she messages back. See how low stakes that was? Timing didn’t matter. She didn’t need to be invested. She could enjoy the joke text all she wanted and if she didn’t message back, I’d be free to text her something else without it being a thing.

Don’t get me wrong, I like phone conversations. In fact, once things get going, one of the most exciting parts of the relationship is the nightly phone conversation before bed. But early on, especially first contact, it’s just obsolete.

Plus there’s something exciting about getting that PING sound. I think I’m developing a Pavlovian response.

-Big Mack Attack

 
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Posted by on December 7, 2011 in By Mack, Dating

 

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