There’s no doubt that texting has become a dominant form of communication. It’s addicting. Especially when it comes to dating. Now some girls say they don’t respond to text messages with the Cosmo inspired line, “If a guy wants to talk to me, he can call me.”  And to that I say, don’t fall while you’re ridding around on your high horse.

Text messages are today’s love notes. They’re nuggets of spontaneity and excitement.  A phone conversation has all sorts of risk involved. First you’ve got to get her to answer. In college, before I had magical texts I had the 3 call rule. First call, no answer, message. Second call, no answer, message. Third call, done. She just wasn’t into me? Maybe.

Let’s jump into the head of a girl real quick,

Wow it’s really empty in here! HAHA Just kidding. But I do have an overwhelming desire for Pinkberry. Hey! My phone’s ringing. I don’t recognize that number. Telemarketer? Maybe it’s that creepy guy from the subway. Why did I give him my number? Maybe it’s that cute guy from the Starbucks? 

Do I want to talk to him now? I’ve got work to do/by Stacy is over and we about to open this bottle of wine/Dancing With Stars is on, fuck him. (Then I hit decline.)

Jill: I object to that misogynistic characterization of my gender!
Jill, get out of my blog post.
Jill: You’re being mega creepy!!!
Don’t you have some anime farm animals to draw or something?

Sorry about that. Now what do you suppose the chances of her calling back are? Guys, when has a girl ever called you back that early into a relationship? Girls, seriously. You’re just not going to do it. I don’t expect you to. Then when the guy calls again is he going to be mad you didn’t call back?  You don’t know. It’s just not the best situation. Now let’s jump back in to that sexy brain again.

Wow Stacy, I’m so glad we went out for 16 Handles instead of Pinkberry. Curse them for getting rid of peanut butter.

Jill: Women aren’t vapid!
Jill, out!

(PING sound.) I’ll look at that text later. Stacy’s more interesting. (Stacy goes outside for a smoke.) Let’s look at that message. Haha. Snookie is crazy and stupid. What a funny guy. 

And she messages back. See how low stakes that was? Timing didn’t matter. She didn’t need to be invested. She could enjoy the joke text all she wanted and if she didn’t message back, I’d be free to text her something else without it being a thing.

Don’t get me wrong, I like phone conversations. In fact, once things get going, one of the most exciting parts of the relationship is the nightly phone conversation before bed. But early on, especially first contact, it’s just obsolete.

Plus there’s something exciting about getting that PING sound. I think I’m developing a Pavlovian response.

-Big Mack Attack