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And More Taxes!! — By Jill

21 Apr

 

 

Upon receiving the letter from the State of New York demanding an additional $895 I immediately went back to Liberty Tax.  The woman who had helped me before was there. But instead of being the mountain of confidence with “11 year’s experience who didn’t like to make mistakes” she seems now to angry and annoyed at me.  Apparently “doesn’t like to make mistakes” just means you get angry when you do.  Seeming lost, she jumped back and for to her manager (which is weird cause I thought she was the manager) but he was busy with other things. So much of the experience was spent waiting for him to finish what he was doing.

Most of this waiting time was spent looking at the giant Liberty Tax promise poster which clearly stated “If you’re not 100% satisfied we’ll refund your preparation fee.” As she struggled with the software trying to figure out how to amend the tax form with out having to start a whole new one, I decided after all was well and done, unless they got what I owe to New York very low, I would demand my preparation fee back ($262.) Why not? I decided to go with them over H&R Block (I still had their numbers written down with my tax documents.)  When you are selling tax services, you’re selling numbers and the ability to produce those numbers. If you fail at that you’ve failed at your job.  And c’mon, this is New York. New Yorkers don’t put up with bull shit! (Actually they do and in larger amounts than I’ve ever been exposed to.)

The error came down to one part NY state (they attributed my Seattle earnings to taxable NY income) but mostly parts Liberty Tax declaring me a partial resident then having me pay no Manhattan resident tax. (Turns out if you’ve live in Manhattan 180 days you still have to pay a prorated amount.) The amount owed went from $890 to $710, but then with some deductions to finally $360. Then said I wanted to talk about refunding my preparation fee.  The “nice lady” said her manager would have to deal with that. She went over to him (once again he was on his iPhone) and brought over a printed copy of the poster to point out to him.

Eventually he sauntered over to me. “So you’re going to pull this on us now?”

“Pull what? I went with you over H&R Block because I was only going to owe $90. Now I owe $400.”

“But that’ wasn’t our fault. And we fixed it for you.”

“Yes it was your fault. There’s a $360 discrepancy here. If it’s New York’s fault, help me take it up with them, otherwise you pay it.”

“I mean, I’ll give you your money back. Fine, that’s just fine. I’m just saying, it wasn’t our fault. And you’re pull this on us now, after it’s all done.”

I walked out of there triumphant but ambivalent. Yes, I was in full right to ask for my money back. $360 is a lot of money that will make the coming month rather difficult. Yes, it was clear Liberty Tax lacked professionalism and courtesy. They lacked the dignity to hold themselves accountable and own up to their mistake.  There’s were a whole list of reason I could come up to feel better about asking for my money back. But at the end of it I still felt wrong.

Ultimately I came to this, had I walked in there that afternoon and said “You guys fucked up, give me my money back, I’ll go have someone competent do my taxes right” that would have been okay. But I didn’t. I employed someone’s services to do a job (albeit a shitty one) then I had that same individual do further work to their best of their ability, fix that job. Someone had worked hours for me. And to not pay them for that work, because of a very poorly worded corporate policy, felt wrong. (Yes I realize that that $260 is not going into that tax preparer’s pocket.)

I called the manager back when I got home and told him to cancel the check.

 
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Posted by on April 21, 2012 in By Jill

 

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And taxes! — By Jill

17 Apr


It’s April 17th! The due date is past for you to finishing taking it up the bung hole from Uncle Sam. Now I did mine back in February. I’m used to getting returns and my taxes are usually pretty simple (Turbo Tax online free and easy) So why wait? But this year with the move, a Roth IRA my dad set up, and a class or two, the deductions part was going to be more complicated. But not to worry. H&R Block has a deal! Go in before the end of February and get it done for free. Not too shabby.

I go in, talk to the nice lady, drink some luke warm coffee with powdered non-dairy creamer, answer some questions about deductions ‘n such, and before I know it, taxes done! But she tells me the services will cost me 200 something dollars. I’m like “Woah! What’s with the sign for the free return?” To which she replies, “that was for a 1040 EZ, all those two state taxes and deductions made it a regular 1040.”

Feeling betrayed by advertising (you’d think I’d have learned by now) I tell them I’ll go elsewhere to see what the competition can offer. Not but three doors down was Liberty Tax Services. Sure the office was in an apartment complex opposed to a leased store front and the staff didn’t quite have the professional eloquence of H&R Block, but I decided to let them have a go at my taxes.  Though the first girl had some trouble, the manager stepped in and finished the process. They got me a  bigger refund and had me owing less money to New York state. (H&R had me owing $230 something NY, Liberty only had me owing $90) I was a little skeptical, “Are you sure this is right? Why does H&R Block have me paying more?” To which she reassured me, “I don’t know, but I’ve been doing this 11 years and I don’t like to make mistakes.” That was good enough for me.

A week or so later, I got confirmation everything was kosher with my federal taxes and my refund was promptly deposited in my checking account. I mailed off what I owed to New York and went on enjoying my happy life. Until one day…

Last week I got a letter back from the big apple. It wasn’t too happy. The letter told me I had miscalculated what I owed and that further funds of $890 would be necessary. Uh oh!

Next post? What happens when I march down to Liberty Tax Services and how the Post Office further fucks the whole thing up!

 
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Posted by on April 17, 2012 in By Jill

 

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The New Goal — By Jack

16 Apr

With my TV writing class finished I’m once again left to my own devices. And that’s kinda scary. I’ve proven to myself that I can write in volume while others are staring at a blank page. What I don’t know how to do is to get people read my writing. Most notably agents, producers, head writers, etc.  And so that’s the new goal.

NETWORKING

It’s a scary word.  Not gonna lie, sorta outside my comfort zone. Not really sure how Mack does it. Put me in a dark hole of a room with a computer and I’ll churn out pages (as well as meticulously check Facebook and Gmail.) But now it’s time to be social, cultivate relationships, attend functions, exchange business cards. You know, marketing. Gonna have to get a website designed and off the ground. Gonna have to start cold calling agents (those are pure death). And contests and fellowships must be submitted to non stop.

On some hopeful news, one of my plays will be read on May 20 on the upper west side. If you live in Manhattan, stop by. It will be at the Underground at 2pm. (That’s a bar, so you can get drunk and such.) And I think I’ve picked out my show to spec so I’ve still got the writing to do.

–Jack Out.

 
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Posted by on April 16, 2012 in By Jack, Writing

 

The Sports Girl – By Mack

12 Apr

 

Hey all. As I promised, here is the 2nd installment of “Girls Mack was seeing for brief moments.”

Much like many of these disasters, the Sports Girl started from the breeding ground of all chaos, OkCupid.  Her  Mario hatted profile picture caught my eye. Her intermittent message responses made me think we’d never actually meet. And even though she would stop converstaions randomly, her responses to my  identical bahavoir to the tune of “I guess you’re bored of me now,” should have clued me in on self esteem issues.

The first date:
Unfortunately, the Mario hat in no way correlated to an appreciation of video games. In fact, she was more interested in the very opposite, sports. She insisted on meeting at a sports bar because she didn’t want to miss a basketball game over our date.

Not a deal breaker, and to be honest, she was actually pretty alluring. Nice eyes, straight red hair that framed her face like a girl out of a shampoo commercial. Curled up in her bar chair, she was kinda cute.  I decided to push the bounds of touch early on. She instantly drew attention to it with a “your hand is on my knee.” To which I responded with “now look at that.”

By the end of the date, we were making out during commercial breaks in the game. Which is good  because we didn’t have terribly much to talk about it. I hate sports. I tried to move  it back to her place as I was getting tired of making out in the bar.  I really didn’t want to have sex with her that night. At best I’d have liked to make out with her on her couch as she watched the game. But she strongly resisted that idea.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see her again. I could tell she wanted to be “courted” properly and I just didn’t see the attraction strong enough to invest in anything beyond anything casual. She delighted in the way I would brush the hair out of her face which made her look beautiful, but there was something that struck me as needy I couldn’t put my finger on.  If I saw her more, I was going to end up in deep.

The Second Date:
The neediness was much more apparent.  I wanted to do something relaxed and she wanted to go out for a full on dinner  and movie. Over the course of dinner we start to be honest with each other. I revealed some private details of my life and she revealed she was a virgin, a fact she seemed to be very ashamed of.  On the whole that didn’t bother me one way or another. But if we were to get involved passed this date it would require that deeper investment.

We ended up seeing a movie during which she didn’t just cuddle up against me, she was literally laying her head on my lap. She seems so safe and happy.  This made me feel very sad and sorry for her. The attraction I had felt in the bar was disintegrating.  A big part of me wanted to give her another date after this. If we had something in common, I’d could keep it going. If I didn’t feel like one more date and I’d be on the road to marriage, I’d could keep it going. But I knew that I didn’t want it to go anywhere and anything in its place would be disingenuous.

We walked from the theater. It was time to end it.
“This is my train.”
“You’re not going to walk me home?”
“No, I’m sorry.” But before I could get out the sentence why, she interrupted.
“It’s okay. I won’t read into that.”
“Look, I’m sorry. I’m just not feeling it.”
I expected it to sink in for a moment, but instead she immediately snapped back.
“Okay. And that’s what happens when I tell guys I’m a virgin.”
“No it’s not that–“
But she was gone.

–Big Mack Attack

 

 
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Posted by on April 12, 2012 in By Mack, Dating

 

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And We’re Back — By Jill

24 Mar

Image

It’s been a while since you’ve seen little me. I know, I’ve been pretty distracted. I fell for someone and kinda let it get out of hand. It’s funny when you set up “rules” for who you will and won’t date only not only find yourself going against those, but falling in spite of them.

I’ll start out by saying I’ve often thought of myself as a broken person. Sex has never been particularly fulfilling for me. Sure it’s fun and I enjoy the physical contact, but when it comes to getting off it’s never clicked for me. Now I know lots of girls say they have a similar problem, but for me, whatever feeling, whatever building momentum you have that leads to orgasm has been completely absent in the bedroom. I can get myself off so it’s not completely absent. But with a guy in the room, it’s not.

But then I met Martin. And everything changed. Thing about him is that when I’m with him I feel like we’re two refugees. Like we share a secret that no one else in the world could even begin to understand. With him, he not only understands it he shares and delights and carries it. And that something I never expected to actually find in this life.

Now there are problems. Unavoidable, illogical, and possibly insurmountable problems. We’re in very different places in our lives. He might move. I’m really busy. Our families would hate each other. He can be emotionally distant.

So when you look at it, you’d think, “yea, this probably isn’t going to work, why bother?” I’m pretty sure that’s the way he feels. But that tears at my heart unlike anything else ever. “So what?” I want to scream. “Do you know how long I’ve been looking for you?” I don’t understand how despite the obstacles, a person wouldn’t be willing to take the chance when you connect on such a level.

Maybe it’s just more special to me than it is to him. Or maybe he’s just so focused on himself that he can “turn off” the emotion. I hate him so much for that. That if we broke up, I would be a wreck, and he’d be able to walk around, a robot, living his life.

The break hasn’t happened officially. But a distance has started, a pulling away. For the past 3 weeks we’ve been in almost constant communication and now it’s sparse at best. He’s away on a business trip right now, so it make’s sense that he’d be busy. But he’s been away before and the communication had found its way though then. I’m bracing for the worst when he returns.

Once again I feel played with by God, or the cosmos, or whatever you want to call it.

–Jill

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2012 in By Jill, Dating

 

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Happy Leap Day! 30 Rock and a Show Bible — By Jack

29 Feb

Happy February 29th every one. (Aka Leap Day!) And on this day of once every 4 year days I am proud to announce I have submitted my first TV spce script to a TV competition! Script Pipeline is $45 to submit so I hope to hell they’re legitimate.   I basically spent the last two hours combing through my 30 Rock script for typos. I read it once last night and just now twice. If you’ve ever read this blog before, you’ll probably notice an overabundance of them.  So I had to read the damn thing in hyper sensitive mode. It sucked and my eyes hurt.

When you’re writing you’re tearing through the script, as fast as you can. You don’t have time for proper grammar or spelling! Think of a writer as a badass cop in a car chase. Yea, knows how to drive, he’s the best. But he’s going to have to run a few stops signs, maybe brush up against a car or two while he’s pulling that 180 emergency break trick. But you know what? He just saved a school bus full of children with puppies (it was bring your puppy to show-and-tell day) from a psycho bomber. I think that gives him a pass. That’s what a writer is like. Editors are for cleaning up the wreckage.

Anyway, in addition writing my pilot script (my current project) I have to write what is known as…

The Show Bible

The show bible is a sales document designed to attract investors to my pilot. It also works a sort of play book for all ideas, characters, tie-ins, concepts, format, style, and about anything else you can think of. Once a show gets sold, the show bible becomes a very proprietary item. If it gets in the wrong hands, people get fired, and money gets lost.

Parts of the show bible:

1) Over view. A 1-2 page pitch, general plot, theme, etc.
2) Characters: Primary (characters that carry plot lines,)
Secondary(characters appearing in every episode, but don’t carry plot lines,
Reoccurring (characters that show up often,)
Occasional (characters that show up not too infrequently,)
Special Characters (characters that might show up given the nature of your show, i.e. Brian Williams on 30 Rock.)
Descriptions of each and how they compliment each other.
3) Time and Place
Time is more important in a period piece. Description need to be as specific as you need for your show. So The Wire needed to describe the despair on the streets of Baltimore. Gossip Girls needed to describe the glits and glamour of the Upper East Side. It is important to describe things that are not obvious.
4) Format and Style
Is it a multi camera comedy? Is it a single camera drama? Is it fast-paced? What’s the visual tone and style?
5) 1-2 page synopsis of the pilot episode.
6) Ancillary ideas
This is a big one. You can sell your show on this idea alone (almost.) What marketing tie-in deals can your show produce?
Can there be a Happy Meal Toy for your show? A ride at Six Flags? Mad Men has a Banana Republic clothing line. Glee loses money on each episode, but then make much more back by selling the songs on iTunes the next day. They’ve even started selling the Castle novels!
7) Demographic Breakdown
Who will watch it and why?
I’ve been told this one is actually worth skipping. The only thing that matters is if you can prove white males age 25-45
will watch your show.
8) Future Episode Ideas
Long lines of new episodes to show where your idea can go.
It’s best to do them in the number of episodes the network will order the show. (i.e. initial order of 6, or 13 for a half
season)

And those are the secrets of the Show Bible format. Now to get to work.

 

–Jack Out

 
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Posted by on February 29, 2012 in By Jack, Writing

 

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The Wheel of Romance — By Mack

24 Feb

When it rains it pours, what’s old is new again,  two steps forward one step back, back to square one, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, there’s someone out there for you, I wasn’t looking for love, you can’t hurry love, and my personal favorite; I thought love was only just for fairy tales. These are all lovely cliches we’ve heard from friends or in songs time and again. Some of it true, some of it designed to keep us going. I may not know much about love or the inner monologue of the opposite sex, but the one thing I don’t know is that it all happens in cycles.

And after an extended time on the top of the wheel, 12 o’clock has become 6.  It wasn’t more than two weeks ago that I was messaging/texting/OkCupiding/dating 4 girls. Now 4 is a bit much for me. I’m not looking to be juggling 4 different women, but occurrences happen and you have to take opportunity when it presents itself. So over the next few posts I’ll go into detail about the rise and fall of the wheel.

The culperates are as follows.

  • The Addict
  • The New York Post
  • Sports Girl
  • Quantum_Entropy
But I’ll give you one story today.
***THIS STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT MATERIAL***
                       Consider yourself warned
***THIS STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT MATERIAL***

I met the Addict on OkCupid.  She seemed cool enough. Liked South Park, enjoys a good whiskey from time to time and is studying Psychology.  A girl with a drive for something is important. But we made plans to meet up and she cancelled a few times. Excuses like, I got home from work and took a nap, slept longer than I meant to, raised a bit of a red flag. My guard was up, but no reason not to meet her.

Eventually we built up enough comfort via text, and I called her a few times, and we set a date. There’s a cool wine bar on the east side that a good classy/fun first date. La Cava is the place. At first glance, her body type was a little bigger than what I’m used to (not fat but definitely pear-shaped.) But she had a pretty face and talking to her was easy and interesting. There was definitely something non-verbal going on.

As we got to chat more (around drink number 3) we started to get a little more personal. We both revealed we were into some fetish/kinky stuff. Her interests definitely complimented mine.  Then she revealed she had some “bootie calls” relationships going on. I’m cool with that. If guys can do it, why can’t women. But at this point I’m thinking this is a girl I’d like as more than just a “bootie call.” By then we were making out in the bar (being THAT couple) and decided it was time to head out.

We stumbled back to her place (on 50 something and York) and I’m wondering how she has a place there. Trust fund maybe? We’re in her bedroom and she gets a phone call. Suddenly she’s like, “You have to go.” And I’m like, “Uh…why?”

Her, “I didn’t think you’d end up back here tonight, so I got another guy coming over and he’ll be here in like 5 minutes.”
Me,”You’re seriously doing this to me?
Her, “I know. I’m sorry, what are you doing tomorrow night?”
Me, “Wait, why did you bring me back here if there was another guy coming over?”
Her, “I don’t know, he cancelled on me, but now he’s coming over.”
Me, “So let me know, if a guy did this to you, would you EVER talk to him again?”
Her, “I know. But I do like you!”

At this point she grabs my hand and is putting it down her pants. I pull my hand away. She starts rubbing her ass against my leg. All of a sudden that “pear shape” goes from sexy to repulsive. I just want to get out of there.

Her, “I’m a sex addict. I’m sorry. Will you hang out tomorrow?”

I leave.

Okay so the story wasn’t quite as explicit as I made it out to be. I cut out some details, but you get the idea.  I wandered around the streets of New York pretty much a wreck. In retrospect, I was able to see what it for what it was, a girl who is really into sex had too good of a backup plan. But in the moment, drunk, mega blue balls, and having  just been kicked out of a bedroom, I took it personally.  I felt like the thing that garbage had rejected.  I was a mix of lividly angry and broken to my core.  When you get in that head space, all you want to do is tear yourself down. And that’s pretty much what I did the whole way home.

Next: The New York Post girl (or maybe I’ll do the Sports Girl Virgin.)

-Big Mack Attack.

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2012 in By Mack, Dating

 

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Evil Vs Chaos: Meditations on Character — by Jack

16 Feb

As I’ve been writing my pilot, I’ve been wishy-washy on nailing down the aspects of my characters.  Character development has always been a scary word for me. When I used to act and it came to building my character, I always felt I never did enough. Not enough back story, I didn’t like to pick out their favorite foods, and creating memories…ugh! I even hated coming up with physicality.  I was always more focused on the script and what the character wanted, ’cause that’s all I was really ever taught in school.

Now as I’ve been writing I’ve let the story come out and the characters present themselves naturally. But for the sake of making my show bible (a document that fully encompasses characters, plot lines, back story, concept, etc) I really need to nail down the characters.

Furthermore TV lives on characters.  TV is formulaic, predictable, and repetitive. What we keep coming back for are the characters. Even reality TV is about our connection with the contestants. So now that I have my challenge, how do I accomplish it?

Well today I’ve been pondering Alignment.

“Alignment is a categorization of the ethical and moral perspective of people, creatures, and societies.”
Thanks Wikipedia! Essentially is your character good or evil? But extended to another dimension:  chaotic vs lawful.  Lawful means you follow the rules of the society in power while chaotic means you want to tear down that society. The grid looks like this…

So as you can see someone can follow the rules of society and can be evil, Lawful Evil. Darth Vader, Stringer Bell, The Capital in the Hunger Games. Meanwhile Chaotic Good would see a character that hates the rules of society and wants to tear it down, but is morally strong.  Rorschach, Malcolm Reynolds, Princess Leia. And from the chart there is a third category in both, Neutral (with respect to moral and societal alignments.) A neutrally societal character doesn’t let the rules of the world around them influence their behavior. Neutral good characters? Wolverine, Han Solo. Neutral evil? the Aliens from Alien, Boba Fett.

It is interesting to ponder what these character alignments are saying when we get behind them. When we identify with a chaotic character, does it imply that we feel disenfranchised by own system or society? Chaotic alignment embodies the rebel.

Is there a place for the Lawful Hero? Who wants to root for the guy supporting the establishment? When was the last time anyone was nuts over Superman?  But maybe there’s something about fighting for something bigger than yourself, (ideologies?)  even when others around your don’t understand it (John Locke, Professor Xavier.)

And how does a Neutral Good protagonist speak to us? They’re lost. They don’t trust the system, because they either don’t have the courage to tear it down or are too apathetic to care. Or maybe just only answer to themselves. Some would argue that Wolverine was chaotic, but I think he’s neutral.  At his happiest, he’s in a log cabin in Canada, chopping wood, and being left alone. But he’s not really torn between sides.

So what alignments do you most enjoy?

–Jack Out.

 
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Posted by on February 16, 2012 in By Jack, Writing

 

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Ira Glass, why do you hurt me so?! — By Jill

01 Feb

One of the magical and awesome things about living in New York is that you’re going to run across celebrities. And when you work in a restaurant of good reputation, there’s a decent chance you’re going to be waiting on them.  In my short year here I’ve run into or seen/served at the restaurant; Steve Martin, John Goodman, Bono, Scott Adsit, Anthony Michael Hall, Daniel Day-Lewis (three times, the last of which he was dining with Steven Spielberg,) Michael Emerson (Ben Linus from LOST and Person of Interest,) and Sharon Stone (not as high maintenance as you’d think.)

And the novelty was nice, but I honestly got sick of it pretty fast. Great, there’s a big shot who doesn’t want to be bothered in the first place, why should I piss myself with excitement? I don’t want to wait on them because of all the extra attention I’m going have to give to make sure everything’s perfect. And I can’t blow them off like I would another high maintenance customer. Actually the very idea of celebrity kinda pisses me off.  So when one of the other servers run up, squeeling with joy, exclaiming “OMG! so-and-so celebrity is on table 42! ” I just role my eyes and continue getting my drinks for the guests I do care about. It’s even worse when another guest recognizes the celebrity and then starts probing me with questions about them. “No, I don’t know what they’re eating.” “No, they don’t come in at a usual time on a usual day.” “For fuck’s sake, I don’t have time to take your picture and angle it so they’re in the back ground.”

So imagine my surprise when this man tapped me on the shoulder asking for the bathroom…

Now most of you probably won’t recognize a radio celebrity. Especially not a National Public Radio one.  But this is Ira Glass host of my favorite thing ever This American Life. At least I was pretty sure it was Ira Glass. I’m used to seeing pictures of him looking like this…

…clean shaven, scrawny, short Jewish man. The man who had tapped me on the shoulder was tall, at least like 6 feet, and he had a beard (like the top pic.) Also my associations with him aren’t visual, they’re from his distinguished voice. Oh and he’s one of my personal heroes. If you’re not familiar with This American Life. Scroll up and click on the link and start listening to it right now. There. I made another link so you don’t even have to scroll up. It’s a documentary style NPR show about very personal stories of Americans (and sometimes not Americans) and their lives. It  has stories of love, living during a recession, there was one about a teenager that hit accidentally a girl with his car (but she might have committed suicide) and all the guilt he has to carry with his life. The episode “The Giant Pool of Money” explains how the housing crisis happened but in a very accessible and entertaining way. And they did it in May of ’08. That’s MONTHS before the recession happened.  If you can’t stand radio, there’s a Showtime version of if they did 2 seasons of. The show has changed my life.  The point is I was pretty sure it was him, but not 100%. And while all this is hitting me and I’m still trying to figure out if it’s him or not, he’s waiting for me to tell him where the restroom is.

Finally I snap out of my trance and tell him to follow me (I never do that, I usually say, “It’s down the hall and to the right.”) I immediately run to my friend Alice who I got addicted to TAL, and I can barely speak. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Jill?” And I’m all like, “I think Ira Glass is here.” To which she shrugs and says, “Oh. Cool.” Blasphemy. I hope she moves away to Los Angeles.

I spent the next hour or so  periodically walking by the table intently listening to his voice trying to make 90% surety, 100%. TAL is Chicago public radio. Why would he be in New York? On vacation? But last weeks episode was new. And so is this week’s. Maybe TAL is done from New York after all.  I begged the server to let me clear his table when they were done.  Finally when the check was down. The credit card would tell all. When Tony snatchs up the check, I was right behind him. And there it was in embossed silver. IRA GLASS.

Now restaurant policy is that you never approach celebrities in any personal capacity. I feel it appropriate. But to just go up to the guy and say. “Sir, you do amazing work and it has changed my life. Thank you and don’t stop.” What would be the harm in that? But at the same time, he’s with his kids and his wife, and he’s probably pretty busy. He doesn’t need some nutty girl badgering him. Fuck it. I decide this is probably the only time I will ever see him. He’s not just some celebrity…he’s created something that touches me on a personal level and he does it every week.

The plan. Wait for him to get up from the table, as he exits say “Have a good day.” He will look up and say “Thank you.” As he smiles and waves, I’ll say “Excuse me, Mr. Glass…” and the rest will follow. Short, sweet, done.

But then Alice flags me down. She’s got this 7 top that ordered a bunch of cocktails (at lunch there’s no bartender, so we have to make them ourselves) and they are demanding to order food despite the fact that she’s making the drinks they just ordered. “But Alice…Ira!” Then I shut up and go to the table. I look over my shoulder. Ira’s still sitting. I’ve got time. The 7 top starts asking me all these stupid questions. “What type of rice is in the risotto?” “Where’s the salmon from?” “Can I substitute the spinach for a side of pasta?” “What’s your favorite thing on the menu?” Ira’s getting up.  Fuck. I start bullshitting the table. Making up answers left and right. Finally they actually start ordering. I get it and Ira’s behind me on his iPhone.

I spin around and blurt out a “Have a nice day.”

He doesn’t even look up from his iPhone.

My heart is beating like crazy.

I take a few steps parallel to him and try again. ” I hope you enjoyed everything…”

Nothing. My hero walks out the door.

I go over to Alice. “Here’s the order. Position 3 has a gluten allergy.”

 
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Posted by on February 1, 2012 in By Jill, Restaurants, Reviews, entertainment, etc...

 

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Jack’s TV Writing Notes! — By Jack

25 Jan

If you remember a while back I did a post on TV writing. That was from my first class which basically focused on how to write a TV spec script. Essentially you write an episode of an existing TV show.  Now I’ve picked back up with TV writing II: Electric Boogaloo…I mean writing a pilot.

I could explain to you what a pilot is, but I think I’ll turn that over to my friend Jules…

Thanks Jules. Now in case you don’t like Pulp Fiction or that video has been taken down or SOPA/PIPA/ACTA got passed and I’m in jail, I will explain what a pilot is after all.  When developing an original idea for a TV series you sell the first episode of a show to a production company and/or (not sure if it’s either or both) a network. Let me clarify, you don’t sell quite yet. You option your pilot script.

When you option the show you get a certain amount of money and the production company has a window of time to make the show. Then if they film the pilot episode you get more money. If the pilot episode is successful and a network makes a second episode that’s when the real money comes in!

So how do I sell my show? I need my elevator pitch! An elevator pitch is a short 30 second – 1 minute pitch I could rattle off if I were in an elevator with an executive or whoever could get my show made. Not that any of us will be so lucky. But when pitching the show I need to distill what’s important about my show and what’s most attractive to get someone’s attention.

What do my targets need to hear?

  1. Distill the essence of my show.
    -Depending on which network I pitch to, my script will have to subtlety change.  A pitch to MTV better be a bit different than a pitch to HBO.  No matter who gets the show, changes will be insisted upon. What in my idea  must I hold on to that makes it different from every other show? If I can be as specific as possible on this, I can hold my ground on what I need and change everything else that’s not so important.
  2. What THEY need to see.
    -The production company (people physically making the show) needs to see that the show can last 100 episodes. Around that time a TV show goes into something called syndication. I.e. it goes to TBS or channel 32 and it shown at 6:00 pm then again at 11:30 pm. When that happens everyone who makes the show really gets money. Every time the show airs, you get money, but when it goes from once a week to 5-10 times a week, that’s 5x -10X more money a week. When a show’s on network, it will only airs as long as it’s being made. In syndication it could run for decades.
    -The network  (the people airing the show) needs to see it appealing to a massive audience and possibly attracting celebrities. They don’t care so much about it going into syndication, they want it to have as many people watching it at one time for the sake of ad revenue.
  3. The type of pitch. Depending on the type of show, my pitch needs to be different.
    a) Title Show pitch. (Seinfeld, Cosby, Louis C.K.) For these shows I’m pitching the character.
    b) Circumstance pitch. (Northern Exposure, Raising Hope) Guy X is taken from big city and moves to small town.
    c) Concept pitch. (LOST, Battlestar Galactica) Most appropriate for sci-fi, you have to sell a concept about the world of the show.
    d) Theme (Modern Family, Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives) You guessed it, you’re selling a thematic idea for the show and how your characters revolve around that theme.

So that’s pitching and I have to develop my idea enough to have a sound elevator pitch for class next Monday. Come back next week for another exciting installment of Jack’s TV Writing Notes!

-Jack Out

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2012 in By Jack, Writing

 

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